Ask Autistic Advocates is an interview series that celebrates autism and how it enhances our lives.
Each week, a new interviewee gives readers a glimpse into what makes them, them, and how autism has helped shaped their lives. Today we’re getting to know Rhiannon Walsh.
Tell us a bit about yourself
My name is Rhiannon Walsh and I’m 21 years old. I’m from Swanage, Dorset but live in Plymouth for the most part as I’m at university there.
I love anything about the human anatomy; sex and relationships really interests me. It’s often taboo and shied away from by many but, for me, I find it interesting how we differ in sexuality and how sex works, right down to infections, STIs. I’m fascinated by how relationships work, from platonic to romantic, and how these differ from person to person and within a lifetime.
I personally believe this needs to be encouraged to be talked about and learnt in schools by a correct professional. Not your PE teacher for example.
I am also interested in education in schools and have a huge sense of justice. I finished my placement year working with one of my lecturers doing research surrounding autism and designed my dissertation from scratch looking into some phenomena common in the autistic community but not well known in scientific literature.
I’m not sure what career I want to pursue but I do know I want to study a developmental disorders masters, but before that I hope to travel, see the world and work after I graduate.
When and why did you start actively advocating?
I started ‘properly’ advocating in November 2019, but it was not my initial goal to advocate. I just wanted a platform to express to my family and friends what it means to be autistic so they understood me better.
It then snowballed and I found this amazing autistic community I never knew existed, which has shaped who I am and made me a better person.
Now, I advocate because it needs to be done, plus I am extremely passionate about the world being a more autistic, neurodiverse friendly place, and I feel like we still have a lot to learn.
What do you love the most about being autistic?
I don’t think about this really, ironically as I am an advocate and push acceptance and awareness of autism in all that it is.
I would say I love how I see the best in people – even people that are not kind to me; it gives me a happier optimistic view of humans in general and gives me hope for a better and brighter future. Plus it means I give every person a chance to be good.
Related: Ask Autistic Advocates: Clare Heley
What was the biggest challenge you’ve faced and how did you overcome it?
I think I would say my last and only romantic relationship. I was just diagnosed with autism at the time and I didn’t understand myself enough to articulate how I was and how my autism made me differ to a NT.
As well as that, my ex-partner did not take enough of an interest in me or my autism (that is not to say that no interest was taken, just for me, I needed more and that was not possible with that person) and did not see it as important, which for me is essential in a romantic relationship for it to thrive.
This led to communication difficulties and some horrible situations, which could have been avoided or been easier to manage had I known more about my autism.
It took me a while but the essential differences that made me and my ex-partner not compatible showed from what I said to want different things in a relationship and feelings not being mutual.
It got to a point I could not ignore these signs, so I realised the relationship had to end. I am not entirely sure who ended it, but it doesn’t matter. I went on a journey to learn more about myself (how my autism comes into it) and more importantly truly love myself, as I do believe I loved my ex-partner, but they were not my person and it was not the right time.
I have been single nearly two years now, and am I there? Do I truly love myself and my autism? Have learned all I need to about myself? Who knows? All I know is I’m in a much better place, happily single, and ready for whatever life throws at me.
Who really truly has it all? All I know is I am happy, working day-to-day to learn and love myself and my autism. I feel I’m a work in progress – as most of us are – and if someone likes this work in progress, enough to be the right person for me – amazing! Until then, I’m going to work on what makes me happy and what is important.
What myth would you like to bust?
That autistic people cannot or do not want romantic relationships or sex.
Sexuality is a different spectrum of its own and varies from autistic person to autistic person, just as it does to each and every Neurotypical.
Some may be asexual and not want the physical sides of relationship but still crave the intimate side of a relationship, while others may be hypersexual and crave physical intimacy as much as emotional intimacy.
Neurodiversity does not affect human desire or attraction and the basic need for human connection.
If you could go back in time and tell your younger-self one thing, what would it be?
It is okay, to make mistakes and not be liked; you are human and autistic and that is amazing. Just hold on a bit longer; you’ll find what you are searching for becomes more apparent. It is also okay to be angry and frustrated; your emotions are valid. It is a tricky time, but you’ll be fine.
Just because it takes you years to find a group of friends that likes you for you, aside from your best friend, and no one you think finds you attractive – it does not mean you aren’t attractive or worthy of any type of relationship, romantic or platonic. You’ll get there, life wasn’t meant to be easy. You are amazing and can do anything – there’s no rush.
